Why This Mom Needs the Climate Ride Joshua Tree & Anza-Borrego
Official Statement: Mom Has Left the Building (On a Bike, Towards a Desert, Send Snacks) – Climate Ride Bound
OK, let’s get one thing straight. My sanity didn’t just quietly slip out the back door. It threw a massive tantrum, packed its bags, hailed a cab, and is currently sending me tantalizing postcards from remote locations that definitely don’t involve negotiating bedtime or deciphering toddler crayon art on the walls.
In a desperate bid to potentially lure it back, I’m venturing out to search for it in a National Park. Somewhere in a desert involving less screen time and more… sunsets and wildflowers. So, I’ve signed up for the Climate Ride Joshua Tree & Anza-Borrego. Yes, you heard that right. This husk of a human, currently powered by lukewarm coffee and sheer spite, is going desert cycling.
Behold the questionable life choices unfolding here:
Why trade my current low-level chaos for a potentially high-level physical challenge involving cactus and questionable tan lines? Because, my friends, the event description contained the magic words: “FULLY SUPPORTED.”
Reason #1: Someone Else Wipes the Proverbial Butt
Read that again: FULLY. SUPPORTED. Do you understand what this means? For several days, I am not the designated Snack Captain. I am not the Chief Butt Wiper (literal or metaphorical). I am not the Finder of Lost Things or the Manager of Schedules. Someone else is figuring out the food situation! Someone else is moving my crap from point A to point B! Someone else is planning the route! All I have to do is propel a bicycle forward and remain upright.
Plus, the location involves backroads. I’m interpreting this as “roads potentially devoid of small humans asking ‘Are we there yet?'”. Riding backroads through Joshua Tree National Park sounds less like exercise and more like an elaborate witness protection program I’ve enrolled myself in. The outdoor experience and epic views are just a bonus – I’m mainly in it for the potential lack of audible whining within a 50-mile radius.
Reason #2: Justifying My Escape – It’s Practically Altruism!
Naturally, abandoning one’s post requires justification. Luckily, this ride comes with built-in excuses that almost sound legit:
- Extreme Mindfulness (aka Can’t Hear You Over the Wind Noise): Forget meditation apps. My mindfulness practice will involve focusing intently on not cycling directly into a cholla cactus or off a cliff. It’s focus born of self-preservation, the purest kind! Can’t worry about the school bake sale if you’re busy trying not to die. #Zen
- Re-Channeling the Rage: All that pent-up frustration from stepping on LEGOs barefoot and cleaning up other people’s messes? I’m converting it into raw power. My fitness goal isn’t miles; it’s exorcising the demons of domesticity one pedal stroke at a time. Think of it as rage-cycling. For charity!
- Saving the Planet (So I Have Somewhere Nice to Hide): Yes, it’s a fundraising ride for climate action. When the guilt of being away from home tries to creep in, I’ll just loudly announce I’m “Securing a Habitable Planet for Future Generations!” See? I’m still taking care of my kids.
- Adult Human Interaction (Caution Required): I hear there will be other grown-ups. People who might discuss things other than potty training and ask questions that don’t start with “Where is my.” I may need to relearn basic social skills, but I’m willing to try.
Trading Existential Dread for Mere Physical Pain? SIGN ME UP.
Look, is voluntarily signing up to sweat profusely across a desert landscape while potentially developing saddle sores the size of dinner plates a rational response to burnout? Probably not. But is it less soul-crushing than refereeing one more fight over the blue cup? SIGNS POINT TO YES.
The sheer, unadulterated simplicity of this cycling adventure – wake, pedal, eat, sleep (hopefully) – feels like a luxury cruise compared to the complex, sticky, often baffling demands of my current reality.
So, if you see a slightly wild-eyed woman muttering to herself while cycling through the desert sometime soon, give a wave. Send electrolytes. Or better yet, join me. If your sanity is also currently AWOL, maybe group therapy via bicycle is the answer.
Wish me luck,
Mom Gone Wild